let's talk about sex

Hello Hello!

So it's Valentine's week, are you celebrating? You may have gotten some of my perceptions on Valentine's day in my last post, but like I said it's not in my nature to not celebrate. Especially when the holiday consists of fresh flowers and anything chocolate which are basically the necessities to make any day better ;)

We have a couple quirky traditions, we celebrate a friendship anniversary with some of our good friends (who we share a memorable Valentine's day with. I wish I could elaborate but ask me in private sometime, it's a good laugh.) My husband and I also declared Valentine's day Treat Yo Self day. If you're not on the #treatyoself bandwagon yet, you should definitely check out it's origin from the beloved Parks & Rec. Our version is only slightly less indulgent. 

This year, in addition to our traditions I am also hosting a webinar on Sex & Intimacy. We will discuss the obvious, as well as how to incorporate essential oils into the bedroom (and beyond.) I'm looking forward to it as it combines interests for me. The older I get, the more it bothers me that some subjects just aren't really talked about. Especially something as important as sex... let's talk about it already! I know I have been just as guilty, but I'd consider this a step in the right direction. 

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I would say that those are pretty large statistics. That 1 in 5 couples are having sex less than 10 times a year and that 3-5 out of every 10 women say they have little or no sex drive! That's not the majority, but a significant amount.

As a part of a couple women's and mom's community groups on Facebook, I decided to ask this question to the masses:

"What are the reasons we don't have sex?"

I got an overwhelming response to my question. For which, I am so thankful for! So thank you thank you to those who were open. Here is a small portion of the responses, I tried to make sure to include to most common responses and those that were repeated.

  • So tired at the end of the night that we just crash instead of being intimate.
  • Schedule conflicts
  • Sickness, with a family someone is always sick
  • Inner feelings of not liking your appearance taking its tole on your love life
  • Side effects from certain meds
  • Hormones
  • Every time we had sex, i was fixated on 'would this be the time we got pregnant' that it lost any sense of fun and was so stressful.
  • Self image. When I'm feeling good (working out, staying organized, eating right, etc) I am more motivated to get it on.
  • Exhaustion from taking care of kids
  • Crazy schedules
  • Anger/resentment towards the other person because they don't feel they are measuring up to what was expected
  • Not having time to be "into" each other, when I'm into it he's into his own thing and vice versa
  • His lack of emotional and practical involvement that very much equals foreplay to me.
  • Depression.
  • My partner doesn’t want to as much as I do
  • It feels forced
  • I'm working on being better but motherhood has taken a toll on my body in a way that I'm not sure I like me naked!
  • Being needed by everyone else (kids, hubby, work, home) that when I have a moment of free time the concept of giving something to yet another person just seems daunting.
  • Being too tired.
  • When baby refuses to sleep in her bed.
  • Irritated
  • Pent up anger
  • Taking care of the house and the kids all day really wears me out. I have my hands full
  • Pain from other ailments that wear me out by the time my partner gets home
  • Negative past experiences
  • Medication
  • Boredom it's the same ride over
  • Parenting is too stressful, hard to shift gears from mama to sexy lady
  • Self-conscious and insecure about myself
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This webinar is open to all, and hosted by yours truly and my friend, and special guest, Mary Crimmins (essential oil guru, dōTERRA Blue Diamond, life coach and blogger.) Make sure to REGISTER to get the information on how to attend. It will also be recorded for those of you who cannot make the exact time. I really hope you will join us and be a part of the conversation!

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Cate Clifford1 Comment